oh-hate is going to be good....

not advisable: crying on a date, even if it is during the saddest part of atonement.

prologue: i read the book
story: i still cried.
ending: i am so embarrassed.

love
michelle.

snow bronies.

so tahoe was amazing. having six of my friends drop in on my family vacation was pretty rad as well. having fresh powder the last two days we were there was awesome. aaron getting my family/friends/myself ten passes for the week was unquestionably the best thing of 2007. he even took the week off from teaching little spoiled bitches to board just to hang out and it reminded me of when we would take trips to go snowboard together. snowmobiling to random places to board was scary. hitting trees was no bueno but holy shit, i had a blast! i spent most of my time teaching jake to board. finally, i took him up on the gondola at squaw valley and said, "figure it out" and left. i know it was a heartless thing to do, but after 2 days of constant babysitting, i needed to enjoy the snow for myself. nevertheless, he made it down safely and that made me happy. aaron asked if i would take a job teaching kids, and i basically said fuck no, since the two days i spent teaching jake was so tiring. we built jumps again in the driveway. jumped off roofs into snowbanks and onto jumps. i attacked a staircase badly and i'm pretty sure my shin will have a permanent dent. i almost passed out from laughing so hard watching family guy with everyone ridiculously drunk, including the parents. my mom now thinks family guy is the best show ever. i also fell out of the jacuzzi laughing so hard when matt went to go make snow angels (obviously, he was drunk) and have ice burn up my thigh. even though everyone thought i was boring by not drinking, i had the best time ever watching everyone get ridiculous. basically, we went retarded for the week. before this week, i was pretty sure 2007 was the worst year ever, but somehow this ending makes up for a few minor occurrences.


i now can no longer feel my body, but i ate like a fatkid so life is grand. i also spent the week getting to know jake better, re-building my relationship with aaron, having fun with my family and friends, and making sure i pushed my fear of life to the limit. i still hate life, but not so much now.


love
michelle.

p.s. by no means have i figured life out, but i am pretty sure i'm in a good spot with everything. got over things and finally opened my goddamn eyes to the obvious, which makes me a far happier person than i was weeks prior. oh-hate is going to be all gravy as long as i can make it to seattle, san francisco, new york, boulder, mammoth and tahoe a few times through the year.

awkward turtle.

somehow, my awkwardness has been taken to new extremes in 2007. i have yet to remember a year that will equal this one in moments of complete and utter social retardation. my friends bear witness to this. they will usually casually laugh after a moment of silence to let the moment sink in, but only because they are utterly polite individuals and pity my ineptitude in being in social situations. i never am embarrassed by these situations, because truthfully, i just don't care. 

nevertheless, discussion of this reminded me of "awkward turtle.'' quite the charming individual, yet so very blatantly awkward that i would be forcibly choked up with anxiety when within the presence of this said individual. it may or may not have been the explicit feelings we had for one another and the inability to carry out the actions necessary to fulfill our "longings".  we swore that we would remain friends and even create a book club; however, our second tour together just presented more evidence that "awkward turtle" was rightfully named so. 

also, i believe that my awkwardness has begun to present a problem for my friends. for example: this morning, i walked into matts room to say good morning. he was there with a lady friend that he has been trying to seduce for the past year. i jump onto the bed and high-five matt for a job well done, which at the time, seemed an appropriate action for the situation. the girl however, did not enjoy the fact that i did this and now has sworn off any contact with matt stating that i am a problem.  


lastly, awkward situations have begun to haunt me. another example from the night prior since it is still fresh within my brain. i was sitting there minding my own business, as my two equally drunk ex-boyfriends barge into the room fighting about who was the better of the two. the only thing i could do was sit there, silently and awkwardly as this action took place steps from where i sat. eventually punches were thrown and i naturally laughed, which more than likely was the inappropriate response. nevertheless, that is what i do. i am awkward.

pork swords.michelle.

nailed to the cross...

as is customary every sunday, my intensely religious family will go on their spiritual journeys towards personal awakenings within the organized confines of what we call presbyterianism. i, on the other hand, am the black sheep of the family. i find that religion is cult-like and the philosophies thrown at their followers antiquated. this view however, is not widely held within this home. every sunday i get the usual third degree of why i choose not to attend church. my usual answers are followed by the look of intense sadness within the faces of my questioners. regardless, i still remain true to the fact that church, in reality, any form of organized religion, even if it is something you adamantly believe in, is something that i will never stand behind. 

so, come every sunday, i spend my day surfing or enjoying the fruits of the earth. maybe that is my own way of spiritual cleansing. regardless i know that mother nature will not indoctrinate my beliefs into a organized set of staples that are fed to her followers. 

never a blind sheep. always aware.

michelle.